How do we make change?
Harriet Lerner (2005) says “Very slowly. No matter how crazy or self-defeating our current behaviour appears to be, it exists for a reason and may serve a positive and protective function for ourselves and for others. If we want to change, it is important to do so slowly, so that we have the opportunity to observe and test out the impact of one small but significant change on a relationship system. If we get too ambitious and try to change too much too fast, we may not change at all. Instead we may stir up so much anxiety and emotional intensity within ourselves, and other as to eventually reinstate old patterns and behavours. Or we may end up hastily cutting off from an important relationship, which is not necessarily a good solution” (p. 12).
Slow. Steady. Trial. Error. Back. Forwards. Staying the Same. Trying something again.
It’s all part of the process.
So as you’re considering embarking on a change process, I invite you to reflect on this. Perhaps consider that now might not the time for change at all…
But if it is go slowly, no rush, take your time, be gentle, integrate and pause as needed.